The past few days I have had this tiny voice in my head... It points out people's good veins, it begs me to call my old boss & ask if I can just come start some IVs at work, it jumps for joy when friends ask me for nursing advice..... For so long I felt guilty for working & longed to be a stay at home mom & now the guilt folds the other way! Dang human nature..... The voice tells me that I am still paying off loans for a degree I'm not using, it cringes when the cash register totals at the grocery store, it tells me that Robby works ridiculous hours & so hard & I spend the money, & that I'm not contributing enough.... That I should have a perfectly clean house, gourmet meals, projects completed, a creative side income, yard mowed, kids clean & all sorts of other things done.... After all I am home all day.... Every mom hears that voice, it's the one that makes you feel inadequate, like you need to change who you are. It doesn't help either that most girls are competitive, that they take things personally, that they feel the need to compare everything... I have been on both sides... I have felt the pain in my heart on Sunday morning when I realize its my last day home before work & I barely get to play with the kids because there is so much to do to get the week ready.... I've cried as I drove away from my babies to go to work & felt like I was being judged for "abandoning" them...& now I hear that voice again, digging up fault in my staying home! Today I write this blog for moms & me. I want to remind myself that God led me to nursing school for a reason, He led me to my husband, He led me to my jobs, He led me to my children, & He led me to our new Home Life (school & all). My sweet MIL reminded me in a moment of self doubt & tears that God leads & Satan gives us guilt for following. People who know me, know I don't talk abundantly about my faith, to me it is as personal as intimacy & evangelism is not the path I have been lead down at this point. But I do pray, most of the day, quietly in my head, I am praying about everything. I wish moms would be openly & ridiculously supportive of one another because we are hard enough on ourselves! So, to all of you who hear the name mommy a million times a day whether it is out loud or in your heart, I support your decision to do what's best for your family. I know you earnestly try to put those tiny humans first, no matter where you are. I ask you to support each other too :)
